I just had a book event at Mend Provisions in Minneapolis. It’s always nice to sign books in your hometown. I’ve attended book events on both sides of the table, so to speak and they can really go either way. In some ways a book signing is like an art opening. You can tell the painter at once, dressed up, trying to be gracious, trying (harder) to remember names, in a heightened state of goodwill masking an undercurrent of mild panic. 

A book event is different in that you have to put down in ink (ideally) something witty, and certainly somebody’s first name and then repeat it dozens of more times. If you’re left-handed and struggle with handwriting then it can be uncomfortable to see what you wrote posted on Instagram the next day: the writing looks even more tilted and the witticism even more stale.

I remember talking to Gay Talese at the first book party I ever had, for Men and Style. It was pretty fancy affair, if I do say so myself, and he was dressed up (though I suppose he always is). The room was packed and Gay asked, rather severely, when I would be reading. I said the room was loud and I wouldn't interrupt to read. Also I had no intention of reading anyway, but didn’t mention that. He was scandalized and about to say, “Well then what am I still doing here?” The understanding was that you arrived, got your photo taken, enjoyed a drink, heard the author read, and move along to dinner at Le Veau d’Or. Then I spotted the sex columnist for New York magazine and introduced them and he seemed very happy about that and she did too. 

Another time I arrived at the old Drake’s store on Crosby Street for a signing. To my surprise there was a long line out the door. That’s unusual, my events don’t involve lines, at best a small crowd, like people standing outside a bar after it closes. But this was a serious gathering. From a distance they seemed younger than my demographic, but who knows maybe I had broken through to the youngsters. As I got closer I realized that they were waiting in line for some street-style collaboration in a different place down the block. Right. That makes more sense. I told myself I wasn't disappointed and convinced myself I meant it. 

Book events can be emotionally demanding. You want people to show up and don’t want to disappoint your hosts. I had an event in Los Angeles where the number of attendees could be counted on one hand. I was told not to take it personally, that it was raining. And apparently it’s well known that people in LA don’t drive in the rain. Or at least that’s what they told me. 

It’s good to have events. Here are a few things to keep in mind whether you’re attending or signing. 

Spelling Names is Hard. You don’t think much about how your friend John spells his name until he’s standing over you, smiling, with your book. “How are we spelling your name these days?” I ask lamely. “David, I’ve known you for twenty years,” he says. “So…with an h then?” 

Significant Others’ Names are Harder. There’s nothing worse then when you forget the name of your friend’s girlfriend. “Sign it to both of us,” he says. And you have nowhere to hide. You can ask to be reminded how her name is spelled, but you are in the deep end if he says the dreaded words “just the way it sounds.” P.S. never say “just the way it sounds.” 

One Story Limit. If you meet an author and there’s any sort of line behind you then you get to tell one anecdote, one coincidence or one whatever it is that you’re dying to share. Let’s keep things moving here. On a similar note: you only get to try one gelato, one cheese or anything served behind a counter when it’s your turn in line. 

Nobody Remembers Your DM Exchange. We’ve all been there and heard ourselves say “I sent you that message on Instagram.” I’m sure it was exciting and a big rush. I’ve done it. Everybody’s done it. You know who isn’t going to remember? Somebody in the middle of a book signing who’s just trying to keep it together.

Bring Old Books. I love, love, love it when people bring old books of mine to have signed, especially if they’ve been seen some use. That’s what this about. 

You put something out in the world and ideally somebody reads it. But a reader is an abstraction, you know they’re out there, or sense they’re out there anyway. Especially now, after the last year, it’s nice to meet the people who care about the words that connect us.